November 19, 2011

When Hurt: Wander and Start Over.

I've been thinking about posting my personal thoughts about what's going on around my life lately and I think it's good to vent out emotions and random thoughts. This November is something, it's different. It's Heartbreaking and an Eye-opener at the same time. What a month this has been so far, I wonder what other surprises life has to offer this month.

Everyday people get hurt, there is no one in this life that didn't experience pain in their hearts, may it be from separation, death or just pure anger from one another. What's different is how people cope up and hang on with life and continue to live on despite feeling the pain. 

I can say that my heart has been battered too much for my age, both physically (My not-so-healthy lifestyle with alcohol and liquors) and emotionally (my frustrations in life and the many many many girls who broke my heart). At the age of 21 I feel that I've accumulated the pain of a 50 year old trying to be happy and contented with life, the continuous search for meaning in life.

If you say to me that you've never been hurt then you are a liar. So friends, readers and co-bloggers and to anyone who are reading this as an accident, I present to you how I live the life of constant pain. These are steps to pick yourselves up when you feel down.

WHEN HURT - It's not just about Love that breaks my heart but also about Life. We do know that life's really unfair but have you thought that Life might be picking on you? I've been thinking about that for almost half of my life. People getting into my skin, people whose skins are those that can be bought in a supermarket.

I'm a sensitive man when it comes to other people's emotions and intentions (Yes I sense people who want to stay, people who chose to stay, passers-by and people trying to get close to get what they want from me) That's a gift from above that I possess and I thank him for giving that. I feel it when people are just trying to be plastic or if they're hiding something and I feel it when I am unwanted.

When we get hurt, the light in our life goes dim until it is out and we find ourselves crying.
It hurts to be unwanted especially if the people you Love are the same people who doesn't want to be near you. I've been in a depressing mood this November. One reason is breaking this heart of mine once again, oh how Love truly plays me and sometimes I wonder if I did anything wrong to be cursed like this in the aspect of Love life. 

Another heartbreak is that one of my High School true best friends is leaving the country to migrate in the U.S. - He's been like my "share and talk about your problem" partner ever since in High School. He was always there every time my heart breaks, always a call away and we'd have our few beers and a shot of Jack's on the rocks in our late night get away in near quiet and cozy bars where we could really talk about Love & Life altogether. 

One of our late night food trips. The last of the strip is my favorite.
I'll always remember how he would tell me things to make it alright, how much he believes that there is someone for me and all the past who broke this heart of mine were merely lessons in life so that if I finally meet this person to spend the rest of my life with, I would know how to take care of her Heart - And I believe that's true. If I could summarize our friendship, it'll be like "When one's in need, the other rushes in to keep the monsters away in our dreams." - Thanks Tobs! I know this won't be the last time I'll see you. Maybe someday call me and will be back like Wimpy Kids.

Every time I get hurt I drift away from people, I'd always like to be left alone, just me and no one else. It's like falling down to your knees and you got cut  by a sharp rock, if you get up to much you'll feel so much pain then you fall down again. - I don't want to be like that, when I fall down I just stay right where I fell and look at the scar and ask myself "why?what happened?". I mend the scars of my Heart by looking back and how did it end up like this because looking back at the moments can really clear things up and you will know the REASON why it ended like that.

STAND UP AND WANDER -  Now you know the reason why you're bleeding, you stand up! You will cry and shout and feel like you're being dumped with shit on your head BUT let me tell you this, YOU CAN"T BE THERE FOREVER! Take all the time you need to gather strength and courage, shed tears and drink all kinds of alcoholic drinks and then when you feel a little numb with your scars, stand up and I guarantee you can stand for yourself now.

I Love to Travel. Anywhere! It makes me think about things in my life.
Now the scar feels a little numb, wander around and this time I meant "wander" literally! GO around town or places you've never been before! See you things because in wandering we REALIZE, fellas when I feel lonely I go to quiet places alone, I study in the heart of Manila and oh boy the city still has its secret corners of serenity. Just like the museums around Intramuros. I frequent these places even if I've seen it more than 5 times because each time I go there, it's a new loneliness that I bring with me and each time I reflect on my problems. It's where I realize things and channel my energy to focus on new challenges that I face.

If I couldn't wander physically, I do it mentally! I write short stories, poems and songs! I vent out my emotions with a pen and paper, sometimes together with a guitar. Most of the time I listen to music that relaxes my mind such as musical scores, acoustics, jazz and more recently, I've been listening to a lot of The Beatles and John Lennon's records. No matter how you wander after standing up, what's important is to BE HAPPY during this time, accept the reality and make each day a beauty! Wander and wander and before you know it, you are ready to start over.

STARTING OVER - You are ready to start over when you wake up and feel like it's a new day, like the first day of autumn. I feel I'm ready to start over when my questions have all been answered, like epiphany. Starting over is a journey of life, "starting over" to me means a new direction because we've hit a dead end road in our lives and that's why we have to go back to the road we've journeyed and find a new way towards the path of happiness and contentment. 

Channel your energy to your goals in life.
Starting over is a healing process, it is good because starting over means you've wept and forgiven people! It is good because you still see that there is beauty in life! It's good because it OPENS OPPORTUNITIES. It is great because YOU CHOSE TO CONTINUE THE JOURNEY.

No matter how hurt you are in the past, when you get over it you'd always end up laughing at your silly actions before and that's also good because you've grown up. 

To end this blog I'd like you to get your earphones, turn up the volume, close your eyes and listen to this song that ALWAYS MAKES ME SMILE and think that LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL together with those lessons. This song is about Life and Love.








1 comment:

Clarice Ting said...

STAND UP AND WANDER! Ur absolutely right! You should walk with your head held high. Anyways, good for you that you got into the Beatlemania! Try listening to their song "Real Love". It's very relaxing and sweet. John Lennon wrote the song, but it was officially released after he died. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zWWJx4gpfMg